Saturday, August 30, 2008

Jackasses of the Week: McCain Palin Ticket

Okay, I'm a complete asshole for this, but you already knew that. I know I should not go after Sarah Palin, in my usual ruthless manner, because she really seems like a nice woman. She has, along with John McCain, made herself an easy target. And I'm a lazy sniper.

I was watching the nomination announcement and my first reaction, along with 78.2%* of the country's reaction was what the fuck? The Governor of Alaska? Then the credentials just floored me. She has five kids, likes to hunt and fish, and is for oil drilling. I never understood how outdoors people want big oil to rape the land that they hunt on. Then again, they could be lazy like me. Less land = easier to kill more deer. But that's fucking IT? And you dare call Obama inexperienced? You can't say that when you've picked a former beauty queen/hockey mom from Alaska, that has roughly 500 days as Governor.

How do you pick someone that isn't even on your short list? Or that you've met once?! I guess McCain is using the G-W estimator on character. He lays out pictures on his floor, blindfolds himself and whichever one he pisses on gets it. John Roberts or Harriet Myers? Piss test.

Then, I read her "biography." She was a mayor of some little town in Alaska. This is honorable work and I do love a long shot like that becoming a governor. But her big accomplishment as mayor? Cutting property taxes, raising the sales tax, and building an indoor hockey rink. Apparently, it is really hard to freeze ice for hockey in Alaska.

Oh I almost forgot the little bit of controversy when she took the office of mayor. She fired the police chief. The chief later sued her saying he was fired for political reasons (he supported the "other guy"). The case was dismissed because, the judge ruled that Palin had the right under state law to fire city employees, even for political reasons. Really? I didn't know democracy worked like that.

Republicans are supposed to spend less money, yet she passed the largest budget in state history. Meanwhile, she used her veto power to make the second largest construction cuts in Alaska's history at $237 million. You know the famous "Bridge-to-fucking-nowhere?" She actually supported that, then canceled it, and then kept the federal money for it.

Apparently, she is looking to reduce greenhouse emissions in Alaska, but won't admit the problem is man-made. Yet, she wants oil and natural gas development in Alaska. She also sued Dirk Kempthorne because he tried to get polar bears declared as an endangered species. She was afraid that it would curb oil and natural gas development in the region.

I'm not even going to mention why she's under investigation. Sarah Palin, I'm sorry, but you are a Jackass and so is McCain for nominating you.

P.S. I love how you stole the "Country First" slogan, after Obama used it the previous night.

*Complete bullshit.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Jackass of the Week: Debra Bartoshevich

You might be wondering who the hell is Debra Bartoshevich? Well going against my better judgment, I will tell you. I shouldn't because she's about as insignificant as I am. She is a former Clinton delegate who is proudly voting for John McCain. As shown here:

Yes, I'm being lazy (obvious I haven't written for a month) and this is an easy target. In fact, I'm going to type this with my dick. So let's just go in chronological order.

1. "I'm a proud Hillary Clinton Democrat"

Well there's your first problem no? All of you need to get over the fact that you lost. It happens. 18 million? Come on did we run around yelling 54 million after Kerry lost? You look like assholes.

2. "I'm supporting a Republican, John McCain"

If it were Arlen Specter I would forgive you. Anyone else who ran for President? Fucking whack jobs. Noun-verb-9/11 Guiliani? Mr. Perfect-Megan's-Law Romney? Crazy-eye-Fuckabee? And who is the presumptive nominee you're supporting? McCain, who is crazier that a shit-house rat.

3. "I respect his maverick and independent streak"

A guy who votes along with Bush's failed policies 95% of the time is no maverick. That's just brown-nosing.

4. "... A lot of Democrats will vote McCain. It's okay really."

No, it's not. Period. This man might appoint three Supreme Court Justices. That is not okay. You know what else isn't? Being a sore loser. Oh, and claiming to be a Democrat.

McCain learned from the best. Swift boating works, these "Democrats-voting-McCain" are a clever plant by the Republican side. It's bullshit. Don't let them divide our party. Debra is just one of many Jackasses. For shits and giggles I might just run you all through the ringer.

A side note:

A longer version

Faux News... Again.

I love the portrayal of "Democrats."

Here's what wasn't shown on air:

Okay, these people are generally not Democrats. They are protesting the Democratic Convention. Many are greens and far left liberals. Doing yet another suicide campaign attempt. But Faux News proves yet again how dumb they are, so, it's funny.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

I Never Thought I'd Say This...

I actually respect Paris Hilton for this:

See more funny videos at Funny or Die