Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Stupid Russians

Yesterday, my boy, John McCain said: “I was concerned about a couple of steps that the Russian government took in the last several days. One was reducing the energy supplies to Czechoslovakia.” McCain, ever the sharp Maverick, was attempting to let the Russians know that this effort to go green was a load of shit. Russia was pretending to subjugate the Czechoslovakians to reduced energy in the unflinching Russian effort to go green. Everyone knows, Russia does not supply energy to Czechoslovakia.

Fucking Russians-what morons. Do they thing John McCain is stupid and cannot see through their political trickery? Well, McCain with his razor sharp intellect, showed he is the finest tuned bullshit detector in America and called the Russians out. This man is the Maverick! This man has the balls to stand up to Russia! This man has no fucking clue Czechoslovakia doesn't exist!

After a correction by his staff in a newletter, he said it again!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Interesting Post

Q has an interesting post over at his blog, The Quarreyman's Plastic Wings. Very thought-provoking and just gets you thinking about how violence subversively permeates American culture. I always enjoyed being told I was not a true American because I'd rather go to a jazz festival than a NFL game. Jazz is more "American" than football will ever be (I still like football). I know many criticize NASCAR, but "Cars" was a great movie.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Jackass of the Week: Pat Buchanan

I decided not to go for the obvious choice of Jesse Jackson. Why might you ask? Well, quite frankly, he's an asshole and you expect him to say stupid things. It's a different story when you can say a whole ton of stupid things and compile them into a book. That person is Pat Buchanan who wrote, "Churchill, Hitler and the Unnecessary War." Yes, conservatives now believe that defeating Nazism was "unnecessary." Yes, I'm sure my grandfather, uncle, and the "greatest" generation will be glad to know everything they sacrificed was "unnecessary." Buchanan never had all his marbles, but now we know he's just another crazy fucking prick.

Buchanan argues several points in his book:

"* Britain in both years ought to have stayed out of quarrels on the European mainland.
* That Winston Churchill was the principal British warmonger on both occasions.
* The United States was needlessly dragged into war on both occasions (1914 & 1939).
* That the Holocaust of European Jewry was as much the consequence of an avoidable war as it was of Nazi racism."*

Just like Buchanan, I went to Catholic School all my life, and they actually taught something called history. Not, "I write books while doing LSD and looking at what I just did in the toilet." Regardless, it is easy to see how a conservative came to this conclusion (beyond the conservatives are usually fucking morons argument). The Second World War was a success for Democrats and re-cemented FDR as one of our greatest Presidents (Whipping The Great Depression was his first cementing). And they really don't want to admit Democrats have ever done anything right. Conservatives also like to consistently re-imagine history: 9-11 was God's wrath, Reagan was a good President, we were founded to be a Christian Nation. So why not rewrite The Second World War.

On Laura Ingraham (I listened again) today, Buchanan stated Hitler wanted "peace and friendship." He also wanted people to appreciate his art, which sucked. Also, the conditions of his friendship blew. Hitler wrote this on a napkin and had it passed around during one of those European power house mixers:

1. You have to wear a mustache (French are sold).
2. I take your land.
3. I lock up Jews.
4. When I take over Russia, I ass-rape Stalin and you have to bear witness (Brits out, French still in).
5. Mimes will be shot on sight (French out).

Buchanan is also against the war in Iraq, but for torture, so Gitmo is just swell. Buchanan finish this analogy for me: Gitmo : Iraq :: Auschwitz : ______. Yes, on Ingraham he mentioned that Hitler killed the Jews because he, "saw the end coming." But locking up all the Jews beforehand was doing the world a favor by Buchanan's standards. That's like a scene in a movie where the bad guy kills one of the good guys, because the other one wouldn't spill the beans. Yeah, it's the other good guy's fault, not the guy who pulled the trigger.

How about everything Hitler said in "Mein Kampf?" Oh, I suppose that was just him venting. You know what? I'd rather read "Mein Kampf" than this garbage Buchanan calls history. I just read the good parts from various articles. By good parts I mean actual historians making fun of parts of the book.

Buchanan also points out that Germany didn't have a war from 1871 to 1914. So they are not really that bad, because several other countries had wars during this time. 1871 was the end of the Franco-Prussian War, the one where Germany bullied France and stole two provinces. From 1871 to 1914 Germany spent time re-arming, building one helluva navy, and seizing colonies in Africa. Yeah, well they never declared war, they just took massive tracts of land, with force... Slaughtering people.

I wonder if Buchanan forgets Hitler's little "experiment" in Spain. The one where he supplied Franco's army in the Spanish Civil War to test out new weapons, for future campaigns. The campaigns of peace and friendship, with guns and goosestepping.

So the lessons we can surmise from Pat Buchanan's new book:

1. Fascists just want friends.
2. Okay to imprison and kill Jewish people.
3. Franco was cool.
4. Slaughtering liberals in Spain = awesome.
5. If you want to apply for Aryan membership see page 311.
6. Returning members see page 336.

I guess Hitler's Germany was a conservative wet dream. You have you average homicidal, war-mongering, maniac leader, sidelining opponents and pushing an ultra-right-wing agenda. Sounds like someone I know.

Buchanan, over the years has said many terrible things, too many to list here. I have two words for Mr. Buchanan. They are the words of his hero Gen. Douglas MacArthur in regards to military defeats, "too late." The same goes for political disasters.* On a side note, Pat's buddy Ron Paul has written his manifesto. Usually, when people write their manifestos it is time to start ignoring them.

When all is said and done, Mr. Pat Buchanan you, sir, are a Jackass.

* Christopher Hitchens, http://www.newsweek.com/id/141501/page/1

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Librarian Booted

I'm sure many of you have heard of the librarian who was removed from a McCain town hall event in Denver, Colorado. Now apparently, there was some bullshit rule about not having signs. Furthermore, the hall was rented by the McCain campaign so they can technically remove anyone they want. Yet, they billed the event, "open to the public." Oh and she still had not entered the event with the sign in question. None of the officers seemed ready to explain this rule the woman either. She was still outside the event technically on public ground. This is just typical of Republican campaigning.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Goddamn I Did It...

So, I listened to the Laura Ingraham Show today. Yes, I did, and she drives me nuts. I listen to her way more than is recommended for any sane human. I could take five minutes today... She really pissed me off about one minute into this five-minute adventure. She was attempting to belittle Rachel Maddow, who hosted Countdown last night. And by attempting I mean, like a kindergartner saying, "poop head." I, however, really think Maddow kicks ass. But what were Laura's big criticisms?

Well, for the part I listen to, Ingraham only had two:

1. Maddow smiles at inappropriate times
2. Found it ridiculous that Maddow was signed to Air America Radio for $500 million

Let me, with my limited (I mean that) insight, investigate these claims.

1. On her smile:

A. I know what you're thinking... Bill O'Reilly never smiles, except for when he's rubbing a falafel on a phone. Maybe not even then, it is merely me speculating.

B. Maddow has a pretty charming smile. Ingraham could try smiling once in a while, because charming is not something she does well.

C. Apparently, Ms. Ingraham found it too hard to follow an intellectually sound conversation and instead choose to pay attention to facial expressions.

2. The $500 million contract:

A. Actually, I could not find anything about Maddow being resigned to Air America for $500 million. I'm willing to bet it is true, I would still like the source.

B. If this is true, which let's just assume that it is, it is probably largely in stock options and futures.

C. Jealous Ms. Ingraham? This is what happens to people who are good at their job. You know: talking about a subject intelligently, backing up opinion with facts, researching a subject, not being a propaganda machine, etc. etc. People who suck at journalism work for Faux News.

D. Limbaugh only got $400 million.

I have a theory that Ingraham is just jealous of Keith Olbermann, who rumor has it, she dated. So, she is also jealous of the success of Countdown. Therefore, Maddow is part of that success so she goes down too.

All I want is for Laura Ingraham to answer me a few questions:

1. What do you rail on immigrants, mainly ones from Central American countries, and yet you adopt a young Guatemalan girl? What's wrong with American babies?

2. Where's the father in this happy family? I mean you believe in the "traditional" family right? Last time I checked that was a mother and a father (according to conservatives).

3. You're a single mother, so you can sympathize right? Oh wait, you choose to be a single mom, and you have a great deal of money, and you have a great private education... Laura word of advice: The kid won't get you laid. You still may qualify to be a MILF, but you would actually have to have sex.*

4. Why must you use your religion to prop up your political beliefs? We get it, you're a Roman Catholic. So am I, and I'm a card-carrying member of the ACLU.

In all, Laura Ingraham has had one great success of her career. She has broken, without a doubt, the glass ceiling of right-wing radio douchebaggery.

Σήμερα Σπαρτιάτης

*It's obvious you've never had good sex, otherwise you would not be so uptight.