Goddamn I Did It...

So, I listened to the Laura Ingraham Show today. Yes, I did, and she drives me nuts. I listen to her way more than is recommended for any sane human. I could take five minutes today... She really pissed me off about one minute into this five-minute adventure. She was attempting to belittle Rachel Maddow, who hosted Countdown last night. And by attempting I mean, like a kindergartner saying, "poop head." I, however, really think Maddow kicks ass. But what were Laura's big criticisms?

Well, for the part I listen to, Ingraham only had two:

1. Maddow smiles at inappropriate times
2. Found it ridiculous that Maddow was signed to Air America Radio for $500 million

Let me, with my limited (I mean that) insight, investigate these claims.

1. On her smile:

A. I know what you're thinking... Bill O'Reilly never smiles, except for when he's rubbing a falafel on a phone. Maybe not even then, it is merely me speculating.

B. Maddow has a pretty charming smile. Ingraham could try smiling once in a while, because charming is not something she does well.

C. Apparently, Ms. Ingraham found it too hard to follow an intellectually sound conversation and instead choose to pay attention to facial expressions.

2. The $500 million contract:

A. Actually, I could not find anything about Maddow being resigned to Air America for $500 million. I'm willing to bet it is true, I would still like the source.

B. If this is true, which let's just assume that it is, it is probably largely in stock options and futures.

C. Jealous Ms. Ingraham? This is what happens to people who are good at their job. You know: talking about a subject intelligently, backing up opinion with facts, researching a subject, not being a propaganda machine, etc. etc. People who suck at journalism work for Faux News.

D. Limbaugh only got $400 million.

I have a theory that Ingraham is just jealous of Keith Olbermann, who rumor has it, she dated. So, she is also jealous of the success of Countdown. Therefore, Maddow is part of that success so she goes down too.

All I want is for Laura Ingraham to answer me a few questions:

1. What do you rail on immigrants, mainly ones from Central American countries, and yet you adopt a young Guatemalan girl? What's wrong with American babies?

2. Where's the father in this happy family? I mean you believe in the "traditional" family right? Last time I checked that was a mother and a father (according to conservatives).

3. You're a single mother, so you can sympathize right? Oh wait, you choose to be a single mom, and you have a great deal of money, and you have a great private education... Laura word of advice: The kid won't get you laid. You still may qualify to be a MILF, but you would actually have to have sex.*

4. Why must you use your religion to prop up your political beliefs? We get it, you're a Roman Catholic. So am I, and I'm a card-carrying member of the ACLU.

In all, Laura Ingraham has had one great success of her career. She has broken, without a doubt, the glass ceiling of right-wing radio douchebaggery.

Σήμερα Σπαρτιάτης

*It's obvious you've never had good sex, otherwise you would not be so uptight.